Discussion:
Subgenius, Sunday School, the First Easter
(too old to reply)
Rev. Richard Skull
2011-01-10 01:22:55 UTC
Permalink
Raw Message
Early on Sunday morning, Mary Magdalen, along with other women, went
to visit the tomb of Jesus. To their surprise, the soldiers who were
supposed to be guarding the tomb were dead and their Brains had been
eaten! They were even more surprised and afraid because the tomb was
opened and the body of Jesus disappeared. Mary Magdalen went inside
the cave while she was crying. She saw “Bob” inside. “Why are you
crying?” “Bob” asked her. “Because they have taken away my Lord” she
answered. And then another voice behind her said to her, “Mary, if
you love me you’d let me eat your brain!”
She turned around and realized that it was Zombie Jesus standing
behind her. She could not believe her eyes. She went and told the
apostles, “I have seen the Lord, and he is a Zombie!” The apostles
could not believe that Jesus was Zombie. The great news was too good
to be true. As the apostles were gathered together speaking about all
of this, Jesus appeared among them and said “Brains! Brains!” As soon
as they saw Him, the apostles knew that Jesus Himself, their beloved
teacher, was indeed a Zombie. This was an unexpected turn of events.

At this point, many people in Jerusalem were talking about seeing
Zombie Jesus. When the news reached the governor, he asked the
soldiers what happened. The soldiers said that as they were guarding
the tomb of Jesus, J. R. “Bob” Dobbs came down from heaven and gave
them all wedgies and Jesus rose up from His grave and ate their
brains.

Forty days after Easter Sunday, The apostles had Zombie Jesus
cornered at the Mount of Olives. He told them, “You cannot kill the
undead!” Paul, knowing that the only way to kill a Zombie was to use a
silver bullet, ran down to the local 7-11 store and bought a 12 pack
of Coors. As Jesus saw this, He raised His hand and flipped off His
apostles.

“You think I will drink that swill?” laughed Jesus. Paul said, “But
the Nudie Bar has a 3 Drink Minimum!”

“Nudie Bar?” said Jesus, “Why the fuck didn’t you say so!” And as
Jesus turned to garb the beer, Simon dropped and Anvil on his head.

As the Roman Troops kept the crowd as sway, the Centurion told the
apostles. “Good work boys! But you can’t really kill a Zombie. He will
be back in a year”

Paul thought for a second then snapped his fingers, “I have it! Every
year at this date, we set a trap with chocolate bunnies and eggs in a
basket, then rig the basket up to another anvil!”

And that is how the tradition of the Easter Anvil was started.

The End?
Rev. Richard Skull
2011-01-10 01:48:55 UTC
Permalink
Raw Message
Post by Rev. Richard Skull
Early on Sunday morning, Mary Magdalen, along with other women, went
to visit the tomb of Jesus.  To their surprise, the soldiers who were
supposed to be guarding the tomb were dead and their Brains had been
eaten!  They were even more surprised and afraid because the tomb was
opened and the body of Jesus disappeared.  Mary Magdalen went inside
the cave while she was crying.  She saw “Bob” inside. “Why are you
crying?” “Bob” asked her.  “Because they have taken away my Lord” she
answered.  And then another voice behind her said to her, “Mary, if
you love me you’d let me eat your brain!”
She turned around and realized that it was Zombie Jesus standing
behind her.  She could not believe her eyes.  She went and told the
apostles, “I have seen the Lord, and he is a Zombie!”  The apostles
could not believe that Jesus was Zombie.  The great news was too good
to be true.  As the apostles were gathered together speaking about all
of this, Jesus appeared among them and said “Brains! Brains!”  As soon
as they saw Him, the apostles knew that Jesus Himself, their beloved
teacher, was indeed a Zombie.  This was an unexpected turn of events.
At this point, many people in Jerusalem were talking about seeing
Zombie Jesus.  When the news reached the governor, he asked the
soldiers what happened.  The soldiers said that as they were guarding
the tomb of Jesus, J. R. “Bob” Dobbs came down from heaven and gave
them all wedgies and Jesus rose up from His grave and ate their
brains.
 Forty days after Easter Sunday, The apostles had Zombie Jesus
cornered at the Mount of Olives.  He told them, “You cannot kill the
undead!” Paul, knowing that the only way to kill a Zombie was to use a
silver bullet, ran down to the local 7-11 store and bought a 12 pack
of Coors.  As Jesus saw this, He raised His hand and flipped off His
apostles.
“You think I will drink that swill?” laughed Jesus. Paul said, “But
the Nudie Bar has a 3 Drink Minimum!”
“Nudie Bar?” said Jesus, “Why the fuck didn’t you say so!” And as
Jesus turned to garb the beer, Simon dropped and Anvil on his head.
As the Roman Troops kept the crowd as sway, the Centurion told the
apostles. “Good work boys! But you can’t really kill a Zombie. He will
be back in a year”
Paul thought for a second then snapped his fingers, “I have it! Every
year at this date, we set a trap with chocolate bunnies and eggs in a
basket, then rig the basket up to another anvil!”
And that is how the tradition of the Easter Anvil was started.
The End?


Loading...